Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I Hate Gman

Yes, you read that right. I hate myself. What I've become, and how I've come to this point and who I am now. Now don't misunderstand; I love what God sees in me, despite the mess. I am Messy.

Let me recite some Top 10 Reasons To Hate Gman.

1. Contrary to popular opinion, Gman is not God
, and is far away from Him.

2. Contrary to other's opinions, Gman is just a person. He is not an Expert
nor does he want to be popular (even when trying to be funny)

3. Gman is not a model nor a Role model for Youth Ministry. See the whole "I hate Youth pastors" topic
. He doesn't serve a small, medium or mega church. He serves just The Church and tries to improve it; or rather Re-imagine her

4. My theology is off. Thus even with my trying to remain consistent I'm inconsistent. I'm a moderate Calvinistic - Arminean Historical Futurist pan-millennialist with A-millennial tendencies and try to error on the side of grace instead of legalism. I adapt the YS statement of Faith

5. I'm not a writer.I just happen to be communicating on an online forum. (Ever Wanna Give Up topic is an example
. My writing needs clarity and is not articulated very well and is continually asked to be clarified.
6. My persona. I'd rather be one of the lurkers, but when I see the hurting youthworker
I cry. I try to direct and give an (Such as Should I stay or Go in YM using the LEAVE principle)
But I'd rather come off Grace-filled and humble rather than some arrogant know-it-all but sometimes the latter is what more people perceive. See Gman be Gman topic

My Doug Fields Rant

My Apology

7. My status as a moderator on the YS Forums

Being a moderator wasn't something I desired, applied for, or thought I was better than anyone else. In fact I probably shouldn't be a moderator. It was only because I was asked then asked who else I thought would make good mods that these forums and community helped take shape from the old listserv.

8. Being a Family man. I am far from the husband, father, Christian example that I need to be. My 2 children (Kendra Marie who will be 3 in Jan. & Nicole Anne who will be 2 in May) and then 3rd (Due anytime and told its a boy ...going with the name Bryan) and my wife, Valerie, who I love very much; allow me to try to be their leader. I just hope, wish, and pray that I could be half the man they perceive me as.

9. As a pastor. It is a calling not a business. I hate the hurt I've gone through (And hear others' stories as well). From being born out of wedlock in a non-Christian home to God being there in the midst of my own family's history of death, suicide, rape, murder, depression, divorce, health issues and dysfunctionalism - to going to college to be in ministry, to getting ordained and the relocations of changing churches. It seems like a job at times, a task, a hurt of which sometimes I wonder why God called such a worm as I?

10. Gman as a G-man or rather Godly-Man. Nothing is further from the truth. If I die I'd like people to think I was though. One of the things is whether I was Nameless Pastor, made fun of Doug Fields, or some pre-packaged Mega-whatever model that thinks they got it all figured out ...is that I'd rather it be all about Jesus. That all things point to Jesus. That it is about Jesus, not me. Afterall, with all our stories overlapping and interacting together - it really is all about Jesus, right? Jesus working on us. Jesus being the Great Potter, and we, the clay. so the next time you see my name on some website or some online Forum or just think to yourself

"I really HATE GMAN" ...My prayer and hope is that you also are saying afterwards, "But I really Love the God he serves."

To God be the Glory.

Might check out 1 Peter 4:11.

1 comment:

Mike said...

I couldn't get some of the links to forum discussions to work... They just led to the YS Community page and there's no mention of a forum on there.

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