Friday, October 22, 2004

Life is a Test. The problem is most of us fail it! The problem of
pain, suffering and why does this have to happen and to curse God
have always been on my mind. If someone gives you a pat everything is
going to be alright answer and that you must not have enough faith;
either A. Punch them in the Face or B. Run far away.

Sometimes there will never be answers. Sometimes a scripture and a
Bible verse isn't enough. Even knowing about what the Bible heroes
like Job or Jesus went through is of some comfort but still doesn't
answer the Big Question: WHY?

Why God do I have to doubt? Why God is there suffering? I've been
encouraged lately by the book Stumbling Toward Faith, in which the
author struggles with the same but never has an answer just more
questions. She been raped by her father, abused by legalism,
supposedly raised in a Christian home, and yet struggles in her own
hauntings.

As for me; I've got my own journey. I guess that is why the Apostle
Paul calls it that. A journey. My own faith journey. One of which
haunts me. Born a bastard. Having a shack-up mother who has been
married at least 5 times, having half brothers and sisters I've never
met; having the Father who raise me die @ the age of 43. I was only
13 and a new Christian. Having been blamed for his death. Having some
friends committ suicide; later in ministry had a friend that was
murdered and still my own abuse; self-worth and sinfulness find me
struggling that such a worm as I am in ministry. Do I glory in myself
or in the Cross?

Yup ...I have lots of questions. why? Why God did you have to ....?
(you fill in the blank) why God did my wife and I lose that child
through miscarriage?

Why God did that Church leader; that person; that this or that do
something wrong?

Why God aren't people more loving and forgiving?

Why God is there war?

Why God do people pick political sides and pit one against another
rather than respect and loving their enemies?

Why God does my own Family not act like such?

Why oh, why god will this hurt, this haunting, this pain go away?

It is only then that I hear in the background a swinging of a hammer
and a cry of the god-man on the Cross that at least eases my
questions of Why!




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